The Girl Next Door...
Is it just me, or does it seem ever more insurmountable to establish meaningful relationships with people, of both genders, vice-versa. Whether you are looking for platonic ones or romantic encounters, the possibilities appear endless. With the art of new modes of communication, there are barely any excuses to find new friends and exciting lovers. In my limited perspective of 22 years, extensive study of psychology and sociology, I have discovered an element that contributes to the meaning of life. It is purely in those that we meet, the connections that we build and the quality of the time that we spend with said company. Admittedly, this is rooted in how much we go out of our boundaries or comfort zone to be around other human beings.
Religion, employment and area of habitation all play key roles in finding these counterparts to our existence. We are in essence, the people that we spend our time with. It is too permissible in the modern age to avoid relationships all together if you've been stung by human interaction before. Also the use of technology grants us the ability to speak to any body, any where in the world. It is a non-invasive technique that enables introverted people to relate to each other about passions, fears and aspirations. I have recently Friend-ed my Aunt in America on Facebook, that is a lovely sentiment. Although we don't speak often, we can still share photos and stories that we care about.
Disorders such as anxiety and social phobia also act as a part which interrupts the feelings that we grow towards each other. It is genuine hard work to maintain friendships over the years, due to changing directions and to tend to the needs of the heart. Relationships are not all based in the mind, it is very much a spiritual experience, that should be honoured, and ever more clearly, do I see that it is paramount foremost, to care for yourself so that you can be there for others in the good, the bad, and the ugly. You cannot expect to have real friends if you cannot look after number one. The phonies of the world, will take advantage of you, for your body or money, hey even your status. This is why we must be honest with our selves firstly, so that we can offer amiability when we meet people we potentially wish to spend our time with, time that we can't get back. I speak from exposure to this matter, when I suggest that money can buy you a lot of 'friends', but they won't stick around.
Personally, I have had hundreds of different networks over the years, contributing to my life, in various ways. To break it down, the categories are as follows; work, social and home. Dependent on your personality type, you will flourish more in one than of the three. Some people are more domesticated, take pride in their home and the routine, of work/life balance. Others I have befriended, blossom with in the community, whether that be through social media, the club scene or local amenities such as the library, sports clubs and religious meetings.
In other words, I want to explain how not having a job is not the end of the world, and you don't have to have a massively intense work schedule to get people to associate with you. Besides, you may go through a drought of non-employment whereby you realise the most integral aspects of your life. Mine had been predominantly in literature and sport. Most of my contacts have approached me for a set of very diverse reasons. You must allow your self to be open to opportunity, and trust your instincts when it comes to meeting new people. Give them the benefit of the doubt, and when it comes to forming friendships. In most cases, people only want the same shit as you. We all have tastes, things in common, and places we want to go together. It doesn't happen over night, it takes at least a few months initially to gradually fall in love. That could be with a person or a hobby, or a type of faith group. Wherever there is love, there is God.
Anyway, I can't say that I haven't been hurt by a lot of people. I've been through my own turmoil, and once you've had to deal with circumstances like mine, then true love prevails. True friendship will stick with you through any thing, they will understand you, accept you for who you are. They say blood is thicker than water. The same goes for family. Remember that it is the quality not the quantity of people that we spend our time with. You only have one life on Earth (according to my beliefs) therefore you should be wise when it comes to investing your self in people. Friends are the family that we choose for our selves.
It is harder to make legitimate bonds as you get older, as our activities change, our priorities change and our lives become more focused on the person we want to be. I imagine when I am in my 60's, 70's may be 80's, I hope to have a long-term partner, a handful of old friends (those who make it that long, what with demanding life styles and habits such as smoking!) that we will still be in touch, no matter what we've fought, either in our private lives or in any disagreements we've battled out, we will still have mutual respect and consideration for each other. Friends support each others aspirations, give their listening ears to those in times of trouble, and offer logical options and a sense of rationality when in despair. We should be encouraging each other to be better people.
I don't think, that meeting strangers left, right and centre is always the most adequate way to fill the void in our hearts when we lack this synergy. In addition to this, hooking up or getting swamped by people in the night life is not the healthiest or most valid arrangement to get friendly with people. I say this because we are usually under the influence of drugs and drink when we chat to others in these settings. There is a huge amount of pressure in modern society to climb some defunct social hierarchy. It does not alleviate our desires for happiness. It does not promise any thing, it can be taken away as quickly as it is 'achieved'.
For example, I'm not going to lie, lately I have had an impressive response from my audience and now I feel a slight burden to write more regularly, not just as an automatic response, but as a devotion to entertain my readers. Its like going to a party, and every body is doing drugs, so you feel like you have to do drugs too, to get on the same frequency, to be accepted, to be liked. At the end of the night (or next day as you do, the walk of shame) the events of the party are tripping in your memory like a broken film reel, the awkward conversations, the explicit banter, and the failed attempts to attract that guy or a girl that you fancied. In hindsight, is it all worth it? Sacrificing your own happiness for the sake of others has no long term positive effects, you will only become trapped in a cycle of self-loathing and misery. One must discover what one wants out of this pilgrimage (as I like to see it), before we can attain concrete companionship.
Religion, employment and area of habitation all play key roles in finding these counterparts to our existence. We are in essence, the people that we spend our time with. It is too permissible in the modern age to avoid relationships all together if you've been stung by human interaction before. Also the use of technology grants us the ability to speak to any body, any where in the world. It is a non-invasive technique that enables introverted people to relate to each other about passions, fears and aspirations. I have recently Friend-ed my Aunt in America on Facebook, that is a lovely sentiment. Although we don't speak often, we can still share photos and stories that we care about.
Disorders such as anxiety and social phobia also act as a part which interrupts the feelings that we grow towards each other. It is genuine hard work to maintain friendships over the years, due to changing directions and to tend to the needs of the heart. Relationships are not all based in the mind, it is very much a spiritual experience, that should be honoured, and ever more clearly, do I see that it is paramount foremost, to care for yourself so that you can be there for others in the good, the bad, and the ugly. You cannot expect to have real friends if you cannot look after number one. The phonies of the world, will take advantage of you, for your body or money, hey even your status. This is why we must be honest with our selves firstly, so that we can offer amiability when we meet people we potentially wish to spend our time with, time that we can't get back. I speak from exposure to this matter, when I suggest that money can buy you a lot of 'friends', but they won't stick around.
Personally, I have had hundreds of different networks over the years, contributing to my life, in various ways. To break it down, the categories are as follows; work, social and home. Dependent on your personality type, you will flourish more in one than of the three. Some people are more domesticated, take pride in their home and the routine, of work/life balance. Others I have befriended, blossom with in the community, whether that be through social media, the club scene or local amenities such as the library, sports clubs and religious meetings.
In other words, I want to explain how not having a job is not the end of the world, and you don't have to have a massively intense work schedule to get people to associate with you. Besides, you may go through a drought of non-employment whereby you realise the most integral aspects of your life. Mine had been predominantly in literature and sport. Most of my contacts have approached me for a set of very diverse reasons. You must allow your self to be open to opportunity, and trust your instincts when it comes to meeting new people. Give them the benefit of the doubt, and when it comes to forming friendships. In most cases, people only want the same shit as you. We all have tastes, things in common, and places we want to go together. It doesn't happen over night, it takes at least a few months initially to gradually fall in love. That could be with a person or a hobby, or a type of faith group. Wherever there is love, there is God.
"Friends come and go, but a precious few you should hold on." - Old proverb
Anyway, I can't say that I haven't been hurt by a lot of people. I've been through my own turmoil, and once you've had to deal with circumstances like mine, then true love prevails. True friendship will stick with you through any thing, they will understand you, accept you for who you are. They say blood is thicker than water. The same goes for family. Remember that it is the quality not the quantity of people that we spend our time with. You only have one life on Earth (according to my beliefs) therefore you should be wise when it comes to investing your self in people. Friends are the family that we choose for our selves.
It is harder to make legitimate bonds as you get older, as our activities change, our priorities change and our lives become more focused on the person we want to be. I imagine when I am in my 60's, 70's may be 80's, I hope to have a long-term partner, a handful of old friends (those who make it that long, what with demanding life styles and habits such as smoking!) that we will still be in touch, no matter what we've fought, either in our private lives or in any disagreements we've battled out, we will still have mutual respect and consideration for each other. Friends support each others aspirations, give their listening ears to those in times of trouble, and offer logical options and a sense of rationality when in despair. We should be encouraging each other to be better people.
I don't think, that meeting strangers left, right and centre is always the most adequate way to fill the void in our hearts when we lack this synergy. In addition to this, hooking up or getting swamped by people in the night life is not the healthiest or most valid arrangement to get friendly with people. I say this because we are usually under the influence of drugs and drink when we chat to others in these settings. There is a huge amount of pressure in modern society to climb some defunct social hierarchy. It does not alleviate our desires for happiness. It does not promise any thing, it can be taken away as quickly as it is 'achieved'.
For example, I'm not going to lie, lately I have had an impressive response from my audience and now I feel a slight burden to write more regularly, not just as an automatic response, but as a devotion to entertain my readers. Its like going to a party, and every body is doing drugs, so you feel like you have to do drugs too, to get on the same frequency, to be accepted, to be liked. At the end of the night (or next day as you do, the walk of shame) the events of the party are tripping in your memory like a broken film reel, the awkward conversations, the explicit banter, and the failed attempts to attract that guy or a girl that you fancied. In hindsight, is it all worth it? Sacrificing your own happiness for the sake of others has no long term positive effects, you will only become trapped in a cycle of self-loathing and misery. One must discover what one wants out of this pilgrimage (as I like to see it), before we can attain concrete companionship.
"Live how you want to live, not how you think other people expect you to live. "
"You should be more attentive about the people you gift with your presence."
"To create authentic relationships, one must find them self first. Given this, we also find ourselves with in others. Its a beautiful paradox."