Home is where the Heart is
"You can't just be a blogger, you have to become your blog. Essentially you are selling your self as art. Life is a novelty; it is short and sweet, rippled with the blandness of vanilla clock-faces. I say this because as individual civilians, we are all affected by copious measures of information and pragmatic guidance, in hope that the promises of our goals and desires will be fulfilled. Although it does not always seem this way, endurance is the true path to love and success. This is a diplomatic approach." SW
I had to move house yet again. This time I was substantially annoyed by my landlord whom I had consoled in about my 'depicted' criminal and mental health history. He had assured me that I would be safe and comfortable in a top floor flat in my old area under his inclusive contract. To my dismay I found my self, briefly latter to this agreement, that my neighbours were in fact posting ferocious and inappropriate notes under my door as to coldly threaten my well-being. I was disappointed with their attitude, since the woman present had indeed been staying overnight at the property for consecutive days without permission had no right to shout at me or be harassing by nature. After all, they had been having domestic problems and the male had been throwing her out every other day they fought; coupled with an aggressive dog, enough to petrify any unassuming house-sharer from future arrangements. The dog certainly mimicked the atmosphere between the two, which was not however, a dynamic I wished to be influenced by. I may have just been throwing my toys out of the pram, yet it is not a situation I would expect the majority to condone.
The trouble with moving home is it is classed as one of top three most stressful life events a human goes through, alongside death and divorce. Regrettably I have moved house too many times I care to admit, each reason nonsensical and overly self-defeating. Government services and social media have failed to fix the void I haul around in my heart, by the time they decide to intervene, I am synchronised with the opportune moments I get to grips with reality and then scramble desperately to the next location. It is a human right to live with humility and peace, people should not tolerate the foulness of cruel behaviour inflicted on us by others. In addition to this, my bicycle was deliberately maimed by one of the house mates behind my back. This is a covert form of bullying and should be considered as a criminal offence, the equivalent to somebody puncturing the tyres on your car. You wouldn't appreciate that, I know I don't (!)
Also, a lovingly submitted piece of advice for my friends searching for house shares in the near future, be vigilant of falsely advertised houses to rent. An agent (a strange man) let a property between me and a girl before last, after a while later, another lady cropped up declaring she was the owner of the house and demanded higher rent exclusive of the bills, which was to our fruitless surprise, way out of our budget anyhow. Essentially she was taking advantage of the fact that we could scarcely compromise with her about the charges as she alleged it was her property by law, although it was greatly unfair. Although we had already made an agreement, she had no proof of her liabilities. Furthermore she often arrived unannounced to the house without keys, asking us for money (landlords are supposed to give you a minimum notice before they visit tenants about things regarding the home). She seemed pretty desperate. Perhaps she had hoped that me and my mate were going to magically manifest the expenses out of thin air (!) Unexpected spending on top of current commitments was not on the agenda that month, that is for sure.
As for the dwelling before then, I was raped by my neighbour (I had to share a ground floor flat, just the facilities of the kitchen and bathroom) The first night I moved in I was drunk (I am responsible for my substance abuse) I accidentally locked my self out of my room, and he took advantage of me with force, dragging me into his bedroom and hurling me onto the bed. My body was rejecting whatever I had consumed in a violent protest as vile maroon bile. I attempted to grab and unlock his iPhone to call 999 as he had locked me behind his door and refusing to let me out. I remember coming around in my own bed, late the following morning, ghost-like, bruised and confused. I wandered sheepishly to Sainsbury's next door and murmured to the security guard that I believed I needed medical attention, so they called for an Ambulance and I stayed in the Emergency Room for a few hours, until the Police arrived and spoke to me at my bedside to ask me whether I wanted an examination to search for signs of molestation. I decided that if I proceeded with this claim I would lose my vacancy at the flat as I would be unable to return to safety, I had nowhere else to go. I simply requested that the Police inform him to leave me alone and not to communicate with me again. I didn't want to be viewed upon as the girl who cried wolf.
A random but feasibly necessary intuition recommended that I should join another Cult, at least until I had the funds to let another house, away from this delirious nightmare. I had come to know a few groups of girls during my school days, many of which brought themselves to me with problematic gossip about various things, to this day I still cannot quite cohere their rationality, they were rather more perplexing than beneficial. I cannot vouch whether or not my peers had much choice about their paths in life either; intimate details of each individual story was revealed to me through superficial metaphors and the perspective I invented with my imagination, to grant me some liberties and hard wisdom, even if it did hurt me so much as an Empath. That is just my opinion at the end of the day.
There has been a significant pattern between my relationships with people and my luck in life. I am more inclined to be introverted and selective of my company because I am hypersensitive to the energy of those around me, in my external environment and internal world.
Most people move on for a reason. I get that. I am quite content with never having any 'genuine' friends. Besides I always feel so incredibly doubtful and pessimistic, which is why I do not like burdening others with my self-fabricated shit, it is totally avoidable but I manage to do it somehow anyway. I think we only miss things because they become part of a routine so we feel soulless when this infrastructure is swiped from under our feet. This is why I try not to get overly attached and live my life with my aspects component of delicate moderations.
Some times we let people into our lives to concede our fragility without our original awareness. I cannot deny there is a strong correlation between my sufferings and their sufferings. This is why I have lost a lot of faith. Every thing retains its layers, depth and abstraction. It is implausible to validate if one should remain ignorant through non-exploration after all; be blissfully oblivious to the challenges of life and adopt a cycle of fictitious austerity for the long term vigor of the human spirit. In vanity that the novelty of our existence beholds more illusion than we allow ourselves to believe in. Don't do me any favours though.
Wealth is not always bank notes...
Wealth includes good health, variety, pleasure and self - respect.
I had to move house yet again. This time I was substantially annoyed by my landlord whom I had consoled in about my 'depicted' criminal and mental health history. He had assured me that I would be safe and comfortable in a top floor flat in my old area under his inclusive contract. To my dismay I found my self, briefly latter to this agreement, that my neighbours were in fact posting ferocious and inappropriate notes under my door as to coldly threaten my well-being. I was disappointed with their attitude, since the woman present had indeed been staying overnight at the property for consecutive days without permission had no right to shout at me or be harassing by nature. After all, they had been having domestic problems and the male had been throwing her out every other day they fought; coupled with an aggressive dog, enough to petrify any unassuming house-sharer from future arrangements. The dog certainly mimicked the atmosphere between the two, which was not however, a dynamic I wished to be influenced by. I may have just been throwing my toys out of the pram, yet it is not a situation I would expect the majority to condone.
The trouble with moving home is it is classed as one of top three most stressful life events a human goes through, alongside death and divorce. Regrettably I have moved house too many times I care to admit, each reason nonsensical and overly self-defeating. Government services and social media have failed to fix the void I haul around in my heart, by the time they decide to intervene, I am synchronised with the opportune moments I get to grips with reality and then scramble desperately to the next location. It is a human right to live with humility and peace, people should not tolerate the foulness of cruel behaviour inflicted on us by others. In addition to this, my bicycle was deliberately maimed by one of the house mates behind my back. This is a covert form of bullying and should be considered as a criminal offence, the equivalent to somebody puncturing the tyres on your car. You wouldn't appreciate that, I know I don't (!)
Also, a lovingly submitted piece of advice for my friends searching for house shares in the near future, be vigilant of falsely advertised houses to rent. An agent (a strange man) let a property between me and a girl before last, after a while later, another lady cropped up declaring she was the owner of the house and demanded higher rent exclusive of the bills, which was to our fruitless surprise, way out of our budget anyhow. Essentially she was taking advantage of the fact that we could scarcely compromise with her about the charges as she alleged it was her property by law, although it was greatly unfair. Although we had already made an agreement, she had no proof of her liabilities. Furthermore she often arrived unannounced to the house without keys, asking us for money (landlords are supposed to give you a minimum notice before they visit tenants about things regarding the home). She seemed pretty desperate. Perhaps she had hoped that me and my mate were going to magically manifest the expenses out of thin air (!) Unexpected spending on top of current commitments was not on the agenda that month, that is for sure.
As for the dwelling before then, I was raped by my neighbour (I had to share a ground floor flat, just the facilities of the kitchen and bathroom) The first night I moved in I was drunk (I am responsible for my substance abuse) I accidentally locked my self out of my room, and he took advantage of me with force, dragging me into his bedroom and hurling me onto the bed. My body was rejecting whatever I had consumed in a violent protest as vile maroon bile. I attempted to grab and unlock his iPhone to call 999 as he had locked me behind his door and refusing to let me out. I remember coming around in my own bed, late the following morning, ghost-like, bruised and confused. I wandered sheepishly to Sainsbury's next door and murmured to the security guard that I believed I needed medical attention, so they called for an Ambulance and I stayed in the Emergency Room for a few hours, until the Police arrived and spoke to me at my bedside to ask me whether I wanted an examination to search for signs of molestation. I decided that if I proceeded with this claim I would lose my vacancy at the flat as I would be unable to return to safety, I had nowhere else to go. I simply requested that the Police inform him to leave me alone and not to communicate with me again. I didn't want to be viewed upon as the girl who cried wolf.
A random but feasibly necessary intuition recommended that I should join another Cult, at least until I had the funds to let another house, away from this delirious nightmare. I had come to know a few groups of girls during my school days, many of which brought themselves to me with problematic gossip about various things, to this day I still cannot quite cohere their rationality, they were rather more perplexing than beneficial. I cannot vouch whether or not my peers had much choice about their paths in life either; intimate details of each individual story was revealed to me through superficial metaphors and the perspective I invented with my imagination, to grant me some liberties and hard wisdom, even if it did hurt me so much as an Empath. That is just my opinion at the end of the day.
There has been a significant pattern between my relationships with people and my luck in life. I am more inclined to be introverted and selective of my company because I am hypersensitive to the energy of those around me, in my external environment and internal world.
Most people move on for a reason. I get that. I am quite content with never having any 'genuine' friends. Besides I always feel so incredibly doubtful and pessimistic, which is why I do not like burdening others with my self-fabricated shit, it is totally avoidable but I manage to do it somehow anyway. I think we only miss things because they become part of a routine so we feel soulless when this infrastructure is swiped from under our feet. This is why I try not to get overly attached and live my life with my aspects component of delicate moderations.
Some times we let people into our lives to concede our fragility without our original awareness. I cannot deny there is a strong correlation between my sufferings and their sufferings. This is why I have lost a lot of faith. Every thing retains its layers, depth and abstraction. It is implausible to validate if one should remain ignorant through non-exploration after all; be blissfully oblivious to the challenges of life and adopt a cycle of fictitious austerity for the long term vigor of the human spirit. In vanity that the novelty of our existence beholds more illusion than we allow ourselves to believe in. Don't do me any favours though.
Wealth is not always bank notes...
Wealth includes good health, variety, pleasure and self - respect.