Existentialist - Escorting

I routinely write here at Godless hours of our actuality. Our experience of living transcends into lost time, and energy only progresses into affluence and a plethora that we pay our undivided application to. ⏳

My narrative of late seldom invites the provocations that I have managed to boil my personal dilemmas down to, I am assuredly glad to see the back of the last few years. Allow me to elaborate... 

Since my last post, I have encountered the inexplicable climax of a contest which imposes that you aren't worth any thing unless you have plenty of people to prove it to. Ultimately, I disagree. I have come to know that life is not as linear as incipiently supposed by school teachers, work colleagues and family members. 🏆

Although they fiercely indoctrinate us with their own convictions and likewise axioms, this is not necessarily an accurate guideline to the life of an individual, distinctly a young person in this modern culture. 

Shortly after the Halloween holiday, I can confirm that I observed some supernatural phenomena that was equivalently enlightening as it were frightening to death. 💀

After scouting the stores at Meadowhall, anticipating a role in sales considering Christmas is creeping up and there will be many positions vacant to reintegrate into society since the epidemic of a unexpected dissolution, given that this epidemiology looms candidly on the consciences of a cord of logic which is evading my supervision, almost too steadily.

This is a premonitory before heading this memorandum.

The perils of escorting is not a sumptuous lifestyle. It is denigration and impingement on a woman's soul, moreover it is annihilation of her spirit. I was trapped in a domestically abusive situation and an intuition compelled me to seek horny men on the internet to meet me for sexual favours in return for financial flexibility. I had contravened all of my ethics and dignity; I had no other choice after social security would not assist me in exchanging my housing circumstances, because I had been delineated as non-priority, however inaccurate. 

A woman from an agency called me for a 45 minute conversation about my history and her expectations. She explained how she worked and what she had in mind. A business man she had been in correspondence with for some time, was her latest gambit. She invoked me to oblige, that I should be the actress behind her scheme of forging potentially thousands of pounds. As a regrettably gullible girl my self, as defenceless as I was, I pursued with her advances to utilise me, in prayer that it would alleviate me of my own hellish scenario, I should never have been there anyway. 

When I returned later, to my dingy flat, I got ready as if I were having a night on the town, expecting this woman to collect me in her car. As I snook and wobbled on sky scraper stilletos out the front door and boarded her vehicle, I felt ecstatic, this had to be my ticket of escape. I was not anticipating a night of fun and romance, rather the opposite. There was an introductory lip service concerning the event that was being set in motion; a thorough plan of action infallibly designed to scam a man with absolutely no empathy of the consequences on either party involved. 

So the woman took me to a pub in the northern sub-urbs of Nottingham. She explained in specific details, what she needed me to do and how she required me to do it! The man targeted was the owner of professional racing horses. She had handled a relationship with him via a pseudonym with fake images on a dating website for some months. She wanted me to do her dirty work. The young lady persona consigned me, appearing similar by description, to go to his house, enter it as this fictional character, get him in bed whilst deriving the names of the winning horses in the race on the coming Tuesday. 🏇

She was perfectly convincing, only she promised me I would accumulate the funds vital for my survival, as to move out of the dump and away from my abusive neighbour.

In hindsight, no woman should ever have to succumb to this vulgarity to find safety in order to live in a comfortable environment in a country as wealthy, like the UK 😠

Nevertheless, I made it. She drove me a long way out of Nottingham, into an area even I didn't recognise, and I have cycled around the majority of Nottinghamshire and know its routes as meticulously as someone with an automobile. 

She said she would loiter and probably go to a nearby pub, whilst I executed the deed, and that I must call her once I were done.

I was very fucking lucky.

These strangers could have been any body, although I believe I was in the midst of some fucked up conspiracy affiliated with trafficking in the East Midlands. I could have been murdered... nobody knew where I was or who I was with either. Only a couple of guys I'd dated over the past few years, knew of my whereabouts generally, at the time in relation to my living arrangements. It was during community service, and the probation people were beyond imbecilic towards my welfare, in and out of their office.

I'd never seen that much cash of my own flesh, in my whole life. God knows why I didn't place any bets on any horses the consequent week. So, is money freedom?

A while after this repulsive night, I met my new Polish house mate at the new digs (10 minutes in proximity to my previous location) and her male accomplice, who helped me move my belongings as I chucked the keys through the letter box, relieved to obliterate that horrible man from my memory and resign from this filthy route I had slugged through.

Insomnia, anxiety and depression hit hard. Those few months later, foreshadowed further economic adversity impossible to avoid. I drank alcohol as I subsisted in my misery. I smoked some pot again to sleep at night, which became a contorted verity; symptoms of a 'schizo-affective' persisted, a misdiagnosis of Depersonalisation tortures me, and a demolished identity aches to be rescued... 💊

Currently, I am soliciting the path to my healing, presently a sufferer of PTSD.

I have premeditated suicide a number of times, due to the hate and hardship I have been onslaughted with, and I intend to obtain justice one way or another. I cannot allow this to happen to me anymore, let alone hear about this happening to other women. 💄👠

Prostitution is the world's oldest trade.

“The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.” 

― Edmund Burke