An Unconventional Life

How I learnt more from being remanded in prison than another year at university.

Its pretty simplistic really, we are all in a perpetual metaphoric heaven or hell. My reasoning for this aspect is that whether we chose to or not, we are bound by the spirit of the divine by external factors we are unable to control. To my greatest surprise I was not about to embark on a potentially life changing journey, a trip I could no longer fathom to grip. This was the blitz of crossing ideas from energy exchanges, unkempt impressions, and a malnourished soul. Uncertain of where these passages presented to me, I could not for the life of me comprehend my own existence. Had it any purpose? Did it borrow from the mass of another's conscience. Had aesthetic value over taken my desire to escape from the reality of the dimension that had previously played out, was I totally lost and forever bemused?

A creative mind and depth that had surely scarred my memory for eternity. No amount of therapy could remove my sorrow, and dysfunctional relationship. My 7 chakras were deposited into the very atoms of these four walls. Only for it to pain me in latter states as punctual associations within the black hole. My body systematically binding and stroking as I endure the weight of time between emotions. My paranoia festered like a ear worm on a loop, constantly transcending to a wider variety of activities. Trying to unplug, I had already accepted failure as a method of not self denial, but a root to stoicism. My quest for knowledge syringed a development of curiosity and brief encounters with aphrodisiacs.

Having never settled down before, I was aware that at some point it would be expected of me to be prepared to introduce my counterpart, that surely would be judged by my own flesh and blood. I put my heart and soul into this path of life and I don't suppose I'd be lucky enough to meet like minded individuals.

The people I saw were all residents in my book of life. The subliminal messages that had imprinted on my cerebral cortex had risen to the surface of my emotional body, all the books and music were readily available without the matrix of an alternative reality. Escapism had manifested into my physical plane. I was no nomad after all, I had stayed exactly where I have been for years because I didn't believe in the present, its only there if you believe it. Imagination is all we carry. Faith is a disposable weapon. We see exclusively what we attract. Whether we intend it or not! I have applied methodology these methods on a daily basis, to uncover the truth about these claims. Some of these theories had proven true. I am yet to discover the perfect visionary experience of being alive.

A huge institution was the last place a young vulnerable woman should be in at a time of extended periods of loneliness and vulgar behaviour from surrounding neighbours. Crashing on my psyche, closing down my freedom, persuading me to be in a way that I just can't be. Why I continued to go to University last summer I don't wish to admit, that is the deepest secret, I was stunted in personal growth. My intuitions were telling me that, there were still people who believed in other people. Perhaps I should feed some inhibitions. I didn't know how to describe it, or how to ride it. Its like melting plastic as I hide beneath the bed sheets.

You would not blame someone in my predicament for behaving with these mannerisms. It was too obvious that I would slowly fade into a point in space that far out of reach since I had realised that I don't have psychosis and the government just engage me as a human guinea pig because I left society.